ATM: Art, Tiles, Mosaics... an adventure in creativity

Plaster of Paris Penguins
40 days and 40 nights, yep, that's about how long it's been since I have posted here. I've THOUGHT about it every day but that's how far merely thinking gets you.... absolutely nowhere! Must be a lesson in there somewhere.
I've been busy revising my resume, posting it on various job boards, and updating my portfolio. Because, as the economy is tanking and this is the worst possible time to be doing it, I am looking for a J-O-B! My cats refuse to give up their cosy little lives, so it's up to me...
Over a year ago I quit my well-paying, secure corporate job in order to go lie under a palm tree and gaze at the blue sky... well, not quite. I did quit the job but over the past 14 months I have found myself incredibly busy. I've never been one of those people who can take a vacation to a tropical island, lie in the sun and drink mai tais all day. Five minutes would be all I could take. Which is not to say I never advocate doing "nothing." Although that depends on the definition.
Getting out of bed every morning and not necessarily having to go anywhere or do anything opened up all kinds of possibilities. I was so burned out on my corporate job I really wasn't enjoying the rest of my life. I decided I needed to let life fall where it may for a while and see what came up. I admit that the first few months weren't particularly wonderful. I spent many days worrying that I was wasting time. I think I was waiting for a revelation of some kind. A flash of light and a voice from the heavens to tell me what direction to take. As I wasn't living in a movie, that never happened. All changes in my life have come about very slowly, even the ones that started with a sudden event. The consequences and realizations always take a while to catch up with me.
So it has been with my time "off." Looking back over the past year I realize how very far I have come. And no matter what happens to me from now on, this year will play a large part.
An interesting outcome is that the things I didn't do are as important as the things I did. This has helped to solidify who I am and where I am going. As a child I was extremely creative. I lived every day to paint, draw, write and make Plaster of Paris penguins (getting that beak out of the mold intact is much more difficult than you might think!). I truly believed this is who I would revert to during this year. I bought my own kiln but this did not increase my tile output. I bought canvases and self-teaching DVDs and attended art classes. But nothing could get that creative spark ignited. This was terribly disappointing and frustrating.
Then the revelation came. What I really enjoy, bringing me hours of rapture, is the study of art. Reading about art history, attending art galleries and museums, critiquing other artists' work... that's where I get my jollies! This is a huge relief as I've been beating myself over the head for years for not being more artistically productive! Okay, so I do more artwork than the average person, but not enough to become a really good artist. Or at least, not enough, or any, work that would qualify for the title "fine art." I have always loved arts and crafts more than, say, oil painting, but I have never valued painting tiles or making those Plaster of Paris penguins as much as a "real" piece of art.
Somewhere inside me was always that child who wanted to be a great artist. Perhaps if I could turn back the clock a few decades I could have gone in a different direction, but at the time, the realities of life (or, that is to say, the perception of what life was like) stepped in and took away my paint brush. But we only have the future to work with, don't we? (Speak up, someone, if you know something I don't!)
I realize my entire adult life has been a process of turning the wheel around to where I was in my early twenties, to that point where I closed up shop creatively and let my left brain run my life. During this past year I completed that creakingly slow, torturous process. Instead of looking back to what I lost, I am now able to move forward. I'm very excited about the future. I see very clearly where I want to be, what I want to do, who I am. The ship is headed in the right direction and there is no stopping me now!